Being You No Matter What

Syed Usman Being You No Matter What

There are times in your life when you must paste on the smile.  You nod your head politely and have no idea what the conversation is even about.  I have been through many of those moments.  This last year has been an extraordinary journey for me.  I have learned many valuable lessons.  The biggest one of all, the one that can make or break you, is the realization that it’s okay to be “not okay” during your life.  You do not have to have it all figured out.

It is okay to say I am going to take a break from this.  It is not failure until you quit.  It is okay to let people be disappointed in you.  That is their expectation of you, not yours.  Your success is not tied to anyone.  Period.  I have disappointed many people in my life, I’m sure.  Because they saw a vision of how my life should be.  I sold my first house to the amazement of others and bought an older home surrounded by wonderful trees, near water, and a nature trail.  People I knew thought we had lost our minds buying this old house.  I downsized.  OMG.  Less?  How dare I live with less.  As I look out my window now, all the leaves are brilliant and beautiful.  I call my old friend and we go for walks on the trail near my house.  I no longer live next to an airport.  You would have thought I moved half-way across the universe.  Seriously.

I have been writing almost everyday.  I am a writer.  I know it amazes some and confuses others.  It’s my J.O.B. now and I am currently not getting paid for it.  It doesn’t mean I will never make any money ever again.  No, it doesn’t.  But it means I am doing something for me.  Not for anyone else.  And I like it.  I can volunteer at my children’s schools now, and pop in when needed.  I can work the school store, and actually go to the store.  The benefits are amazing.  They are hugs, kisses, and meeting tiny people at the bus.  I no longer have the latest clothes…it’s okay.  Yoga pants are all the clothes I need anyway.  They are awesome.

So during this time, I have not had it all figured out.  But I have come to the conclusion that if we are honest with ourselves, and our friends, the ones who matter will still be here after I get finished with this process.  If they are gone, they were not willing to be part of my life.  That is not mean, negative or spiteful.  It is the truth.  It took me long enough to figure this out.

So the next time you are having problems, like one of my closest friends says, “It’s okay to not be okay.”  Life will go on, just remember to pick yourself back up and keep going.

Original Text: The Wellness Universe

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The Inner Voice Talks Sense

Listen to your Heart Quotes

The universe doesn’t play tricks because what you love and what God wills for you is the same.

“There’s a voice within that is always speaking to us. But most people, out of fear -false evidence appearing real -push it away, and settle for mediocrity or a job they don’t mind. They let go of things that have the greatest meaning for them.

Love yourself. It works

When you have the courage to say -not only to yourself but to others -that this is what you stand for, care about and love, the wonderful qualities of self-worth come into play.

Play the appreciation game

It’s simple, really. Be grateful for everything you have, from your home to your well-paying job, to your loving parents and supportive friends. Each time you feel down, thank aloud for the things that are going right in your life. You’ll realize how your inner energy gets a big boost.

Aim for clarity

Gratitude brings with it immense clarity. And when you are clear, what you want will play out in your life, and only to the extent you are clear. So after playing the appreciation game with yourself, take some time out and figure what you love and have a passion for. It could be simple, sound trivial. No problem. Just make sure it’s your true passion. For this, be yourself and be clear about what you want.

Say it out aloud to yourself: this is what I need, this is what I want, and this is what I care about.

Follow habits of success

Review your top passions every day

Take responsibility for the life you have created. Make time to pray meditate. Eat healthy food. It supports clarity. “Lastly, whenever you are faced with a choice, a decision or an opportunity chose in favor of your passions.

The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone Who Will Never Love You Back

Love is the best teacher. From it, you will learn more than you could possibly ever learn in a classroom or from a book. The reason for this is rather simple — we feel more when we’re in love.

Human beings learn through their senses as well as through the way they process and interpret the information taken in by those senses.

When we find ourselves in love, the chemicals released by our brains paired with the emotional sensations we experience allow us to experience life in hyper drive. We feel more alive and take in more of the world around us.

Being in love is the greatest high on the planet. It’s the most natural of highs, as it’s produced by our own bodies, as well as being the longest lasting high on the planet.

It increases our senses and allows us to both take in more information and process that information under a more positive light.

Our imaginations tend to get the best of us when we’re in love, creating alternative realities where our fantasies are born. Love helps us both focus more on the world around us while basically forcing us to spend more time in our own heads.

Until you fall in love, you don’t know what it means to live. Well, to be more exact, until you fall in love and have your heart broken, you don’t know what it means to live. Furthermore, until you have your heart broken, you won’t understand what it means to truly love.

As human beings, we learn best from loss. We come to understand the importance and value of both people and things, by losing them.

Sure, we can imagine how it must feel to lose a person we love, but until we actually lose, or are at risk of losing, this person, we never fully understand how important he or she is to us.

We learn by losing. We learn when we are beaten by others, when our best efforts aren’t good enough, when we don’t make the cut, and when we fail. Success is no teacher. In fact, success can often do more harm than good — especially when it wasn’t worked for or earned.

But loss… when you lose something, you instantly become aware of the now vacant space in your life that was once filled with something beautiful — even if that something beautiful was only the dream of having that which you now know you won’t have. And it hurts.

Love can teach you just about everything you need to know about life. For example, it can teach you that sometimes no matter how much you love a person, that person simply won’t love you back.

It can teach you that there are many levels to loving and that each and every person loves a little differently. It can also teach you that sometimes you have no choice but to love someone who will never love you as much as you love him or her.

We often talk about unconditional love, as if it were a real thing. The truth is that there is no such thing as unconditional love; we all love conditionally. However, having someone love you back is not one of those necessary conditions.

In fact, we often fall in love and continue to love those who don’t love us back as passionately. We all love that which we can’t have, and if we find someone that doesn’t want us it only makes us more desperate to have that someone.

That’s a bitch, ain’t it? You fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back and knowing he or she is trying to push you away only makes you want to latch on tighter. The more that person tells you he or she doesn’t want you, the more your imagination concocts ways of making that person fall for you.

I speak from experience… as people, we are capable of chasing the person we are in love with for years and years on end to no avail. Every time we are turned down, we fall in love a little deeper. Or so we think.

Most of us have a difficult time distinguishing between romantic love and love itself. Romantic love is more a sort of obsession than it is anything else, and it’s romantic love that makes us want that which we can’t have.

Romantic love is what turns our imaginations on high and makes it impossible to start thinking about that one special person. The best part of it all is that we love being in love romantically, no matter how much it hurts.

Being in love with someone who will never love you as much as you love him or her shakes you to your core, but you love it. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts. It hurts a whole lot. At the same time, it makes you feel more alive. It makes you feel more “in the moment.”

It opens you up to a side of life and a side of yourself that you didn’t previously know existed. It’s the sort of pain that you never forget, but at the same time look back at with a sort of fondness and sense of nostalgia.

There’s a fine line between pain and pleasure. Romantic love walks that line.

Courtesy: Elite Daily

10 Happiness Tips for People Who Have Been Hurt

Peace

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

Maybe someone hurt you physically or emotionally. Maybe you’ve survived something else traumatic—a natural disaster, a fire, an armed robbery. Or maybe you’ve just come out of a trying situation, and though you know you’ll eventually recover, you still feel pain that seems unbearable.

Whatever the case may be, you’ve been scarred and you carry it with you through many of your days.

Most of us can relate on some level to that feeling. Even people who excel at taking personal responsibility have at least one story of having been hurt. Though some of us have endured more serious situations, you really can’t quantify or compare emotional pain.

To a teenager who just had her heart broken, the pain really seems like the end of the world. In fact, Live strong estimates that every 100 minutes, a teenager commits suicide—and that the number of suicides in high-income families is the same as in poor families.

Presumably, not all of those teens have suffered incomprehensible tragedies. What they have in common is pain, born from different adversities and circumstances.

When you’re hurting some people might tell you to “suck it up and deal,” as if that’s a valid solution. They may say “it’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.

Like everyone, I’ve been hurt, in both profound and trivial ways. I’ve dealt with it using the following ideas:

1. Define your pain.

It’s not always easy to identify and understand what’s hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships because it’s safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain: the low self-esteem that convinces them they deserve abuse, the shame over being treated with such cruelty, and the feeling of desperation that convinces them there’s no real way out.

The first step toward finding happiness after having been hurt is to understand why you were hurt, to get to the root of everything that makes the memories hard.

2. Express that pain.

There’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to communicate how you feel to the person who hurt you; and if you can, there’s no guarantee they’ll respond how you want them to. Say what you need to say anyway. Write in your journal. Write a letter and burn it. Get it all out.

This will help you understand why you’re hurting and what you’ll do in the future to avoid similar pain so you can feel empowered instead of victimized. Research has actually proven that people who focus on lessons learned while journaling find the experience more helpful than people who don’t (focus on lessons).

3. Try to stay in the present.

Reliving the past can be addictive. It gives you the opportunity to do it again and respond differently—to fight back instead of submitting, to speak your mind instead of silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?

In other words, it allows you to torture yourself. Regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, you may need professional help to avoid revisiting the incident. If you don’t, you need sustained effort. Fight the urge to relive the pain. You can’t go back and find happiness there. You can only experience that now.

4. Stop telling the story.

It may seem like another way to understand what happened, or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.

No amount of reassurance will change what happened. You can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story, trying to place in new, brighter light. You can only find happiness when you let it go and make room for something better. You don’t need another person’s permission to let go and feel okay.

5. Forgive yourself.

Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong but you blame yourself. Or maybe you played a role in creating your current situation. Regardless of what happened, you need to realize that what you did is not who you are. And even if you feel immense regret, you deserve to start today without carrying that weight. You deserve a break.

You can either punish yourself and submit to misery, or forgive yourself and create the possibility of happiness. It comes down to whether you decide to dwell or move on. Which do you choose: anger with yourself and prolonged pain, or forgiveness and the potential for peace?

6. Stop playing the blame/victim game.

Maybe you were a victim. Maybe someone did horrible things to you, or you fell into an unfortunate set of circumstances through no fault of your own. It still doesn’t serve you to sit around feeling bad for yourself, blaming other people. In fact, it only holds you back. You can’t feel good if you use this moment to feel bad about another person’s actions.

The only way to experience happiness is to take responsibility for creating it, whether other people made it easy for you or not. You’re not responsible for what happened to you in the past but you’re responsible for your attitude now. Why let someone who hurt you in the past have power over your present?

7. Don’t let the pain become your identity.

If everything you do and all your relationships center around something that hurt you, it will be harder to move on.You may even come to appreciate what that identity gives you: attention, the illusion of understanding, or the warmth of compassion, for example.

You have to consider the possibility there’s a greater sense of happiness in completely releasing your story.That you’d feel better than you can even imagine if you’d stop letting your pain define you. You can have a sad story in your past without building your present around it.

8. Reconnect with who you were before the pain.

It’s not easy to release a pain identity, particularly if you’ve carried it around for a long time. It may help to remember who you were before that experience—or to consider who you might have become if it hadn’t happened.You can still be that person, someone who doesn’t feel bitter or angry so frequently.

If you want to feel and be peaceful and happy, start by identifying what that looks like—what you think about, what you feel, what you do, how you interact with people. Odds are this process will remind you both how you want to be and how you don’t want to be.

9. Focus on things that bring you joy in the moment.

You don’t have to focus on completely letting go of your pain forever; you just have to make room for joy right now. Start simple. What’s something you can enjoy in this moment, regardless of what pain you’ve experienced? Would sitting in the sun bring you joy? Would calling your sister bring you joy?

Don’t think about the totality of the rest of your days. That’s a massive burden to carry—haven’t you hurt enough? Just focus on now, and allow yourself a little peace. You’ll be surprised how easily “nows” can add up when you focus on them as they come.

10. Share that joy with other people.

We often isolate ourselves when we’re hurting because it feels safer than showing people our vulnerability. What we fail to realize is that we don’t have to feel vulnerable all the time. We can choose certain people for support, and then allow ourselves time with others without involving our painful stories.

You can share a meal, a movie, a moment and give yourself a break from your anger or sadness. You don’t have to carry it through every moment of your day. Don’t worry—if you feel you need to remember it, you’ll still be able to recall it later. But as you allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you love, you may find you need that story a lot less.

***

Everyone deserves to feel happy. Everyone deserves a little peace. One more thing we all have in common: we can only provide those things for ourselves.

Courtesy: Tiny Buddha

Letting Go Of Ego

Ego is neither bad not goodYour ego feeds your desire to be accepted, acknowledged, loved, and valued born out of your connections with others – society, family and culture. While connections with others is important, it is equally important to connect with the real you rather than a distorted picture that may have been formed by outside influences.
The ego is neither good nor bad. If we identify with the ego, we will be over-powered by the idea of “I” and “mine”, desires, cravings and aversions, and being restless busy with building up a worldly self-image or social status, and getting what we desire, and busy protecting the self-image that we built up for ourselves and protecting all the attachments, possessions and belongings, and be in fear and worry of losing what we think is “I” (that “built” on self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, accumulation of knowledge, wealth, health, relationships, achievements and etc…) If we know how to not identify with it, and just let it perform its necessary function for maintaining this life existence, we will be free and happy being “what we are”, and not trying to become somebody with certain image and qualities…

When your Ego shows up trying to make you doubtful, fearful or unsure about the choices you make, these ego friendly principles will clear the cobwebs, empower you and reveal your true self:

  • Let go of your need to win. Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid conscious contact with intention. Why? Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter-and back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant.
  • Have a Vision – Create a vision to pursue your dreams. Without a vision for your dreams, it will be difficult to achieve them. You must have a clear vision of what success is to you in order to work towards it.
  • Let go of your need to be right. Ego is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong. When you’re hostile, you’ve disconnected from the power of intention. The creative Spirit is kind, loving, and receptive; and free of anger, resentment, or bitterness. Letting go of your need to be right in your discussions and relationships is like saying to ego, I’m not a slave to you. I want to embrace kindness, and I reject your need to be right. In fact, I’m going to offer this person a chance to feel better by saying that she’s right, and thank her for pointing me in the direction of truth.
  • Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations. Connecting to intention means listening to your heart and conducting yourself based on what your inner voice tells you is your purpose here. If you’re overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by everyone, then you’ve disconnected yourself from intention and allowed the opinions of others to guide you. This is your ego at work. It’s an illusion that stands between you and the power of intention. There’s nothing you can’t do, unless you disconnect from the power source and become convinced that your purpose is to prove to others how masterful and superior you are and spend your energy attempting to win a giant reputation among other egos. Do what you do because your inner voice always connected to and grateful to your Source-so directs you. Stay on purpose, detach from outcome, and take responsibility for what does reside in you: your character. Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you.
  • Show courage – Courage is not the absence of fear. It is taking action despite fear. When faced with doubt and insecurities, resolve to be courageous and take the risk to do the thing that has you stuck in fear.

Source: The Open Mind

My Life Experience from Nov-12-2012 to Sep-08-2014

I joined an organization on 12-11-12 (These numbers are now present in all my passwords and I’m gonna change all of ’em) and resigned on 08-09-2014. It was nice to work with these people.

Some of the one liners for me told by different people are as follows:

I told her that Darwin loved her and she told that she did not love Darwin back. I, then, told her that Darwin sat at the other building.

Do you enjoy stress? In what way has not having inner peace served you?

Your physical reality is just an illusion, but the experience of it is real. That is all is real. It is like a mirror. You know, you all know, if you have a glass mirror and you see your reflection in it and your reflection is frowning and you don’t go over to the mirror and try to change the reflection into a smile. You do not manipulate the physical reality because it is only a reflection. There is nothing there. But, you know that the moment you actually decide to smile, the reflection has no choice, but to smile back.

If you put your hand into the fire you will get burned. You can get burned, if you want to. It’s okay. If you, so happens, that you don’t want to get burned, you don’t put your hand in fire. So, in the same way, if you don’t want to be in a state of anxiety all the time, and, again I emphasize, if you like be anxious, it’s perfectly alright. You can go running around and play whatever you want just as long as you want to and as long as you think it’s fun. But, if there comes a time when you don’t think it’s fun, you don’t have to do it.

My Best Answers on Quora.

How Being Brutally Honest With Yourself Is The Real Secret To Success

How Being Brutally Honest With Yourself Is The Real Secret To Success

We all have an inner resistance.

Great author Seth Godin is known to mention this in many of his books. Once we acquire certain habits, systems or ways of doings things, we don’t want to go back.

Many times, what allowed us to achieve success in an area of our life is not what will allow us to achieve success the next time. Some areas require us to expand our efforts every single time.

Most of the time, this manifests as just not wanting to do or change something. We resist new work and perspectives and keep doing what we’ve always done, even if we suspect inside that it doesn’t have any effect anymore.

If we want to raise our standards, be it to create great work, have better relationships or whatever it may be, it’s imperative we are crystal clear with ourselves.

We need to cut through the mist, eliminate the resistance and ask ourselves, what am I being terrible at? What am I being excellent at?

Given a certain task, be it working out, public speaking or redacting a document, if your performance is average on that task, chances are you’re not average on all parts of that task. Most likely, you do certain parts of it in an excellent manner and some in a terrible manner.

Let’s say you want to build muscle so you develop a weight lifting routine and a nutrition plan. If your results are average, you might be led to think that your lifting routine is average and your nutrition is also average.

While that may be probable, there will be certain aspects that you are doing in a brilliant manner and others that you are doing terribly. The excellent aspects are canceling the terrible ones, and leaving you with mediocrity.

You have to be able to ask yourself, “If I were being impartial, what would I say that I do terribly and amazingly?” By doing this, you move away from having just a generic, mediocre measure of what your performance is, and you can see which dimensions you are excellent or terrible at.

This judgment and capability to be brutally honest with oneself comes to light, for instance, when sprinting.

It’s a common occurrence for entrepreneurs or startup founders to work relentlessly for a given period, be it a week, a month or more.

In this kind of situation, where you have to act your best and ambiguity isn’t allowed, it becomes clear what you are excellent at and terrible at.

The point I would argue is that in order to be great, be it in business, or any other area of your life, you have to be able to be brutally honest with yourself. Explore the smaller tasks or activities you are excellent at and terrible at and then kill off the weak parts of yourself.

Naturally, human beings get comfortable and tend to tolerate more mediocrity and ambiguity. So it’s not a matter of being brutally honest with yourself once in your lifetime; it’s a matter of frequency.

Every time you stop getting crystal clear on the concepts, make that clarification again. Sometimes you need to “get real” as often as once a week. It all depends on the area of your life you’re tackling and the level of demand.

Courtesy: Elite Daily

Be Discontent With Yourself

Remember three things: One, you must be consciously frustrated about the life outside. We are all frustrated, but unconsciously. And whenever we are frustrated unconsciously, we only change objects of desire. But one object exchanged for another will not help you to go in. You remain outside. You change one thing for another, then for another. Because you are frustrated by object A, you substitute your desire by object B. Then you are frustrated by object B, so you go on to C. You go on changing objects because you are only unconsciously frustrated. If you become conscious, then you will not change objects — you will change direction.

The root cause is this desire to get happiness through someone else. You go on changing persons, but this direction is never changed.

When I say, ‘become consciously frustrated’, I mean know well that persons are irrelevant. Unless you change your direction in the search for happiness, nothing is going to happen. When I say, ‘be consciously frustrated’, I mean don’t be frustrated by others — be frustrated by yourself, be frustrated about yourself. Only then does the direction change.

Way To Change

We are all frustrated by everyone else. The husband is frustrated by the wife, and the wife is frustrated by the husband; the son is frustrated by the father, and the father is frustrated by the son. Everyone is frustrated by others. This is the outgoing mind. Be frustrated with yourself, and then the direction changes: you start to go within. And unless you are frustrated with yourself, there is no possibility for transformation.

The second thing to realise is that whatsoever you are, it is because of you yourself. We say, ‘I am like this because of my destiny, because of the forces of nature, because of heredity, because of environment, because of society. ‘What is important is to remember that whatsoever you are, you are responsible. Society may have played a part and even destiny and childhood also may have played a part, but ultimately, you are responsible. This feeling is the base of all religions.

So the second thing: remember, whatsoever you are — if you are sexual— you are responsible. If you are angry, if you are afraid, if fear is your chief characteristic, then you are responsible. Everything else may have played a part, but only a part and that part also can be played only because you cooperated. And if you destroy your cooperation, this very moment, you will be different. So, the second thing is to be constantly aware that whatsoever you are, you are responsible. Responsibility is the basis of all religious transformation.

And, third, remain perpetually discontent until the light is achieved. Again, that is one of the most basic qualities of a religious mind. Ordinarily, we think that a religious man is a contented man. That is nonsense. He looks contented because he has the discontent of another dimension. He looks contented. He can live in a poor house, he can live in ordinary clothes, he can live naked, or he can live under a tree. He can look contented, not because he is contented with these things, but because, really, his discontent has gone towards other things, and now he cannot be bothered with these things.

He is so discontented with the inner revolution, so discontented hoping for inner light, that he cannot bother about these things. These things have just become peripheral. Really, they don’t mean anything to him. It is not that he is contented — they don’t mean anything, they are irrelevant. They are somewhere on the periphery; he is not concerned. But he lives in deep discontent, in fiery discontent. And only that discontent can lead you inwards.

Remember, it is discontent which leads you outside. If you are not happy with your house, you can make a bigger one. If you are unhappy with your financial position, you can change it. In the outward journey, it is discontent which leads you on and on. The same is the factor in the inward journey also. Be discontented. Unless you achieve light, unless you transcend mind, be discontent, remain so — this is the third point. These three points will help but they are just ‘helps’ or aids. The central thing is meditation. Meditate and with these ‘helps’, you can achieve the inner light.

Courtesy: Speaking Tree