Human capability is something that’s forgotten. Humans have forgotten their capabilities. They seem to be using the word ‘Human’ only for weakness, failure etc. “I tried my level best not to commit that sin, but after all I’m a human” is our usual reply to hide our mistakes and unwillingness to improve. Humans’ capabilities are beyond any imagination. Whenever the world began, humans were definitely not capable of writing, reading or anything except thinking.
If you want to know Humans’ capabilities, look around you! Everything you see around was once someone’s imagination. Once you think about something, you, consciously / unconsciously, start the creation process. Because thinking is the 1st level of creation. Everything you see around was first created in mind. Nothing of this was there, but our very capability of thinking made this possible. Our very capability of ‘thinking’ makes us different from other creations.
Human Capability, You become whatever you think!
Many of us are sad, unhappy and unsatisfied in our lives. It is not that life is different to them. Life is the way it is for everyone. It is for the humans what to make from it. The more you think about something, the greater are its effects. You empower the thought by thinking more. Once we are sad for something, we keep thinking about it instead of moving forward. We can sit and cry on the past’s departure or we can prepare for our future.
The choice is always ours. Many of us choose to be sad and curse their life for it. Humans out of their capabilities can create both, good and bad; happiness and sadness; joy and misery etc. It is up to us how to use our life. When we keep thinking something that makes us sad and miserable, we will obviously be sad and miserable. We are the owner of our thoughts. We are the thinkers.
In the past year, I’ve had about four boyfriends. I know that seems like a lot and most of you are wondering how that’s even possible (especially when I write about being single all the time). Well, here’s my secret: None of these boys actually know we’re dating.
As hard as it is to admit to myself, these relationships have largely taken place in my head, grown out of mild flirtations and a few drunk hookups. If we’re getting technical, the actual number of boyfriends I’ve had in the past year would be zero. But what fun is that?
When a friend recently asked me if I’m seeing anyone, I actually had to pause and rethink my answer. Saying that I’m outwardly together with someone in real life would pose as a blatant lie; however, in the realm of my mind, it was a different story.
Inside my head I was very much emotionally involved with a mutual friend named Jake* (*I’ve changed his name because this would be remarkably embarrassing if he found out the kind of storyline I devised for us) who, while I knew was interested in me as well (we had sporadically kissed a few times), hadn’t really progressed to full-on dating territory.
“I was hooking up with Jake for a little bit. But I don’t think it’s going anywhere, he’s super frustrating,” I replied, mentally categorizing this as a three on the lying scale. We had hooked up, we just weren’t that serious.
“How so?” my friend inquired.
“Well, there’s a lot of back and forth that goes on between us. He hasn’t explicitly asked me out, but the attraction is there. He just, like, can’t understand when he’s upsetting me. Oh, also, don’t like, tell him I’m saying this. He kind of doesn’t know.” I took a big sip of the cayenne cocktail and prayed she wouldn’t tell Jake of the head games I had conjured up and proceeded to mentally torture myself over.
My friend wasn’t going to talk to him. She was more puzzled by the whole thing and I couldn’t blame her. I wasn’t in a real-life relationship with Jake; 72 percent of our interactions took place in my head and the other 28 percent was casually flirtatious fodder between us that I then sickly twisted and blew out of proportion because I am that pathetic and want to be alone with my thoughts rather than an actual male human for the rest of my life.
There I said it. It was now time to end this fantasy relationship that clearly wasn’t going to happen in real life. The only problem: How do you get over a boyfriend that largely existed inside your head?
It’s not like you can have this big blowout breakup scene. You don’t actually have any concrete reasons to be mad at him besides, “He didn’t give me enough attention,” which, yeah, makes sense because he doesn’t even know he’s dating you! You can’t say “he cheated on me” or “he doesn’t make time for me.”
There isn’t a talk about how to improve your struggles as a couple. You’re not a couple. You’re not even a “thing.”
You’re make-believe, a dreamt-up part of my imagination that I use to pretend I’m sleeping next to someone at night. And this is why breaking up with someone who only exists in your head is so hard: when you think about a person so much, he seems all-too real to you.
It’s kind of like when you have an intensely vivid dream about someone and the next day you see him in person. You feel like you were with him. You feel like you know him. And yet, that was all made up in your mind.
To the outside world, I was single. Inside my head, I was emotionally closed off, already in too deep with my own thoughts of my fake-boyfriend.
Jake and I had a super-exciting dating life. I was convinced we had a strong attraction one evening when he bought me a drink and none of my other friends, and naturally blew that gesture out of proportion when I smiled about it on my walk home.
He said things like, “I bet your sister is really cool,” which I then heard as, “I can’t wait until you introduce me to your sister.”
We rarely fought (obviously), but yet he always seemed to (naturally) let me down when I caught glimpses of him chatting up other girls at the bar.This is because you two aren’t actually dating, I had to remind myself.
I know this saga might raise a few eyebrows, friends might question my sanity, others will tout about how pathetic I am that I can’t hold down a real relationship or at least make the move and tell this guy that we’ve been seeing each other for three months and it’s finally time we see each other some place other than my brain.
But if we were to get together in real life, what would happen then? Would it live up to this hyped-up fantasy I’ve been building up inside me? Would he be the kind of boyfriend I already scripted him to be?
Perhaps, when you already have the mental drama to fulfill, you eventually become numb to the real thing.
So how was I to break up with Jake? Clearly it wasn’t going to work between us. I decided to stop seeing him both in person and in my head.
His presence as a constant visual reminder wasn’t helping to erase him from my mind. And no good could come out of me wanting someone that badly who didn’t want me back.
What was the appropriate response, though, to such a tragic ending? I couldn’t help but feel a little empty and down. There wasn’t anyone special to preoccupy my thoughts anymore. There wasn’t someone who I was dressing up for in hope I’d see him out that night.
I didn’t have that internal farce to fill me up or complain about when my girlfriends and I discussed our love lives. Even though we technically had never been boyfriend and girlfriend, a piece of me still felt like we had.
Aside from facing the cold, hard truth, the best solution to ending things with your mental fantasy, I believe, is to find someone who wants to be your reality.
Someone who you don’t need to obsess over in your head because he is right there in front of you, wanting you back. Let go of the people who won’t turn into anything more than a delusion — they might give you some artificial comfort, but they’re also holding you back from experiencing the true thing.
Eventually, I got over Jake, just like I had gotten over those other three “boyfriends.” I laughed at how ridiculous these fake relationships were and the stupid anguish they caused me when they didn’t really need to.
My friends didn’t stop making fun of me, though. Which I guess is a good thing because we all need a dose of reality now and then.
And I’ve learned a valuable lesson: Don’t dream about what other people can do for you, instead make it happen for yourself.
Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.
It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.
It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.
When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.
There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.
It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.
Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.
Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.
Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.
The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.
You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.
Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.
Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.
Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to co-habitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another.
Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person.
The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.
You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to, compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us.
Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough.
Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.
Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love.
They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship.
Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.
Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying all that luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.
When love scars, it cuts deep. The pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you. And because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to.
You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust.
Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why?
Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about her happiness anymore.
You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love.
We’ve all been cheated on, and we all know someone being cheated on right now. But we don’t say anything about it. We choose not to tell them. Why? Is it because we fear of getting in the middle? Or is it because we fear that if we tell that person, they won’t believe it anyway, leaving us looking like a jealous a-hole?
Cheating is different for men than it is for women. Women cheat because they are lacking something in their relationship, they don’t feel loved or appreciated so they seek that from another man. It’s all based on emotion and a happy girl will hardly ever stray. But this is not the case with men, happy men stray all the time.
Men cheat because they can. They know that we won’t do anything about it. They aren’t missing anything in their relationship, in fact most of the time they really do love their girlfriends. But it’s just about sex. They don’t care about the girls they have relations with, they just cheat because they can.
Their world doesn’t stop, they don’t feel bad about it, and they certainly don’t feel any differently about you. Their life just goes on as if it never happened. They have some sort of on/off cheating switch when it comes to this. They are able to be so deceptive yet they can go back to being that loving boyfriend after the dirty deed has been done.
But please, don’t get it twisted. Women are not so innocent in this either. It takes two to tango hunny! If these “side chicks” had more respect for themselves, men wouldn’t be able to cheat, it wouldn’t even be a possibility for them. But there’s always going to be those women out there that are willing to be the side-screw and have no hard feelings about it.
The Successful Cheater: You might be in a “happy” relationship right now, meanwhile your partner has OTHER partners. Well congrats, you’re being successfully cheated on. But what are some of the signs?
Hidden Facebook Relationship Status.
Yes you’re probably in most of their photos so you think this is okay, but it is easy to tell someone, “Oh that’s just my ex, I haven’t gotten to delete those old photos yet.”
A whole laundry list of sexual encounters prior to you.
Please don’t try to tell me that your once overly-promiscuous partner has turned over a new leaf and stays faithful to only you. A person that will sleep with practically anything with a pulse doesn’t tend to have many morals. So don’t think that for one millisecond that they can change. Because chances are, they can’t. And they will continue to do so behind your back.
Random names of the same sex in their contacts.
For instance, your cheating boyfriend isn’t going to put his new fling “Rachel” in his contacts. He’s going to put her under the name “Bob from work” and call it a day. Meanwhile he doesn’t even know a Bob and he doesn’t even have a job. I mean come on.
Wherever they go, their phone goes with them.
If they are seeing someone behind your back, they are not going to leave their phone alone with you. So if the next time your girlfriends phone rings and she busts through the plate glass in the shower to get to it before you do, there you go.
If your partner spends way more time with their friends than they do with you, chances are they are probably up to no good.
If they love you and are faithful to you, then they want to be with you as much as possible, period.
Everyone you know always has something negative to say about them.
Chances are, they know something that you don’t. And instead of telling you the truth, they beat around the bush with it because they know you wouldn’t believe it if it came down to it.
The root of the issue at hand is respect. A person that cheats doesn’t respect their partner, that’s the bottom line. And the women and men willing to be the “side piece” have no self-respect. Instead of demanding to be the ONLY one, they settle with being the OTHER one.
Then we have the people who literally do not have the slightest clue what is going on behind their back because they choose to ignore the signs and live by the phrase, “Ignorance is Bliss.” But is ignorance bliss?? Maybe if we all just had some old fashioned respect for ourselves and each other, this wouldn’t be such a prominent issue.
Would we get angry if an empty boat collided with our boat? No. But we would, if the boat had somebody in it. Why?
It is ordinary to try to be extraordinary
Chuang Tzu is a rare flowering, because to become nobody is the most difficult, almost impossible, most extraordinary thing in the world.
The ordinary mind wants to be extraordinary, that is part of ordinariness; the ordinary mind desires to be somebody in particular, that is part of ordinariness. You may become an Alexander, but you remain ordinary – then who is the extraordinary one? The extra ordinariness starts only when you don’t want extra ordinariness. Then the journey has started, and then a new seed has sprouted.
This is what Chuang Tzu means when he says: A perfect man is like an empty boat. Many things are implied in it. First, an empty boat is not going anywhere because there is nobody to direct it, nobody to manipulate it, nobody to drive it somewhere. An empty boat is just there, it is not going anywhere. Even if it is moving it is not going anywhere.
When the mind is not there, life will remain a movement, but it will not be directed. You will move, you will change, you will be a river-like flow, but not going anywhere, with no goal in view. A perfect man lives without any purpose; a perfect man moves but without any motive. If you ask a perfect man, “What are you doing?” he will say, “I don’t know, but this is what is happening”.
Mind can live in the future, but cannot live in the present. In the present you can simply hope and desire. And that’s how you create misery. If you start living this very moment, here and now, misery disappears.
Ignorance breeds anger
Even then sometimes people will be angry – they are even angry with a Buddha. Because there are foolish people who, if their boat collides with an empty boat, they will not look to see whether someone is in it or not. They will start shouting; they will get so messed up within themselves that they will not be able to see whether someone is in it or not.
But even then the empty boat can enjoy it because then the anger never hits you; you are not there, so whom can it hit?
This symbol of the empty boat is really beautiful. People are angry because you are too much there, because you are too heavy there – so solid they cannot pass. And life is intertwined with everybody. If you are too much, then everywhere there will be collision, anger, depression, aggression, violence – the conflict continues.
Whenever you feel that someone is angry or someone has collided with you, you always think that he is responsible. This is how ignorance concludes, interprets. Ignorance always says, “The other is responsible.” Wisdom always says, “If somebody is responsible, then I am responsible, and the only way not to collide is not to be.”
“I am responsible” doesn’t mean, “I am doing something that is why they are angry.” That is not the question. You may not be doing anything, but just your being there is enough for people to get angry. The question is not whether you are doing good or bad. The question is that you are there.
Being is the problem
This is the difference between Tao and other religions. Other religions say: Be good, behave in such a way that no one gets angry with you. Tao says: Don’t be.
It is not a question of whether you behave or misbehave. This is not the question. Even a good man, even a very saintly man, creates anger, because he is there. Sometimes a good man creates more anger than a bad man, because a good man means a very subtle egoist. A bad man feels guilty – his boat may be filled, but he feels guilty. He is not really so spread out on the boat, his guilt helps him to shrink. A good man feels himself to be so good that he fills the boat completely, overfills it.
Religions say that you have to manage to do something unnatural
All the religions have been teaching you to fight against nature. Whatsoever is natural, is condemned. Religions say that you have to manage to do something unnatural, only then can you get out of the imprisonment of biology, physiology, psychology, and all the walls that surround you. But if you go on in harmony with your body, with your mind, with your heart, then the religions say you will never be able to go beyond you. That’s where I oppose all the religions. They have put a poisonous seed in your being, so you live in your body, but you don’t love your body.
The body serves you for 70, 80, 90, even 100 years, and there is no other mechanism that science has been able to invent which can be compared to the body. Its complexities, its miracles that it goes on doing for you. and you don’t even say thank you. You treat your body as your enemy, although your body is your friend.
Perhaps every cell of your body has a small brain in it.
It takes care of you in every possible way, while you are awake, while you are asleep. Even in sleep it goes on taking care of you. When you are asleep and a spider starts moving on your leg, your leg throws it away without bothering you. The leg has a small brain of its own. So for small matters there is no need to go to the central system, to go to the brain—that much the leg can do. A mosquito is biting you, your hands move it or kill it, and your sleep is not disturbed. The hand is not supposed to have a brain, but certainly it has something which can only be called a very small brain. Even while you are asleep your body is continuously protecting you, and doing things which it is not generally supposed to. Perhaps every cell of your body has a small brain in it. And there are millions of cells in your body, millions of small brains, moving around, continuously taking care of you.
The body has certain wisdom of its own.
You go on eating all kinds of things without bothering what happens when you swallow them. You don’t ask the body whether its mechanism, its chemistry, will be able to digest what you are eating. But somehow your inner chemistry goes on working for almost a century. It has an automatic system of replacing parts which have gone wrong. It goes on throwing them out, creating new parts; and you have to do nothing about it, goes on happening on its own. The body has certain wisdom of its own.
And the religions say that the body is your enemy, you have to starve it, you have to hit it hard, because unless you starve it, torture it, how are you going to be free of it? They say the only way to be free of it is to cut all attachments to it. They teach you hatred for your body, and this is something so dangerous. The very idea turns your greatest friend into your greatest enemy.
Body simply serves you without any payment from your side, no salary, no facilities, and religions says go against it
These religions go on saying to you, “You have to be always fighting, you have to move against the current. Don’t listen to the body—whatever it says, do just the opposite. The body is hungry, let it be hungry. You starve it, it needs that treatment.” It simply serves you without any payment from your side, no salary, no facilities, and religions says go against it. When it wants to fall asleep, try to remain awake.
It is not your foe, it is your friend. It is a gift of nature to you. It is part of nature. It is joined with nature in every possible way. You are bridged not only with breathing; with sun rays you are bridged, with the fragrance of flowers you are bridged, with the moonlight you are bridged. You are bridged from everywhere; you are not a separate island. Drop that idea. You are part of this whole continent, and yet… it has given you an individuality. This is what I call a miracle. You are part and parcel of existence, yet you have an individuality. Existence has done a miracle, has made possible something impossible.
By absorbing and understanding these words, one can the password that everybody requires, for their inner search. If not, people always question “How does one discover one’s true self? What is this true self? And the replies, they get from various people, (who are again humans) are usually that one should meditate with 100% concentration, shut out thoughts, and one will progress deeper. But this can easily be said than done, for the mind strays, and people get frustrated with meditation and conclude that they cannot do it and they let it go. But if you were to start with what you know, and keep editing that material, you will eventually come to that which you don’t know, but that which is your seeking.
I have a Car, but I’m not my Car
We start with the words “Whatever is mine, is not me”. So, anything that you can say is yours, anything that you can see as being separate from yourself, anything that belongs to you, to which you can show possessiveness, cannot be you Because, you and that thing that you possess, are obviously different. I have a car, I have a house, a brother, a wife, a son, I am a doctor, I am fat, I am thin—–all these are my assets, my possessions. Obviously, I am not my car, my house, my brother, my wife, my son, my profession—so all these get edited out.
I have legs and hands, they are mine, but I’m not my legs and hands.
Then what remains is my body-mind complex. But I can see my body, can’t I? Yes, I can see that I have legs and hands, and eyes, and a nose and a mouth and so on. So, if I have these things, like I have a car or house, these things are mine, but they are separate from me. I can see them, I can feel them, I know that there is something or someone who is seeing them—-so, my body with its various components, belongs to me, but is not me. That brings me to my mind. Can I see my thoughts? Yes, I can. Can I see my mind thinking all the thoughts? Yes. We often tell people “To my mind, this does not sound good” or “To my mind this sounds logical”.
So, we are able to see the mind in action and can see with the mind, the logic of a situation, the right or wrong of a situation. We can also see that the mind is not constant. It is frequently changing. Yesterday, I disliked someone. Today, I like that person. Yesterday, I wanted to see a movie. Today, I am not interested. A few years ago, I wanted a fancy car. Today, I am not interested. We often tell people “:I changed my mind”. If I can see the mind as an entity different from myself,, an entity which is not constant but always changing, it cannot be me, can it? To call something as ‘me’, I need something that is fixed, unchanging, rigid and constant. And my possessions, my relations, my body and even my mind changes with time.
They are all mine, but they are not me.
Having edited out most of the things that are mine, what remains, is me. This is the search that we have to undertake. Ramana Maharshi said the same thing, in different words, “Who am I?” Was the only question he wanted his disciples to answer, to themselves. Nisargadatta Maharaj said the same thing when he said “Where were you, before you were conceived, before you were born?That is the real you. Zen people have a term for it “Your real identity is the face you had before you were born”.
These word “Whatever is mine is not me” are the golden passwords for our inner search. Start applying them today and see how far this journey takes you. What you will discover cannot be obviously described. It can only be experienced.