Why is Azaan (Adhan) not a Noise Pollution?

Answer by Adnan Zafer: Come on man! Firstly it’s just the azzan and not the prayer that is recited on loudspeaker. It hardly lasts for 3 minutes or so. And you have to admit that the only time at which you would expect one to get disturbed is in the morning at 5 am. More so it’s not like they play some hard metal that it’s so annoying to you? Trust me I have to concentrate hard to listen to the azaan, unless obviously your house is ridiculously close to the mosque.

You can’t simply just bring up rules for mosques being close to hospitals and parks. I have seen numerous temples being there right in the middle of a society playing bhajans on loudspeakers every day. I myself live in Non-Muslim majority area with a Hanuman Mandir in the society playing bhajans (Bollywood songs with changed lyrics in my case) twice a day (at sunrise and sunset). Even the churches ring their bells three times a day.

The point is every religion has its own beliefs and traditions. When you live in a country like India, which propagandizes secularism and it’s vastly diverse cultural heritage as a unique selling proposition, you can’t complain about these things.

You’re not wrong to say that azzan in the morning is disturbing for some but so are the bhajans and church bells. It’s just a difference of perspective. Some might even find the sound of birds chirping in the morning annoying while some may find it peaceful.

As far as your last question is concerned, if you read it again, you might find a possible reason why your question was pegged to be biased. Interestingly you picked three nations which are worse in terms of their treatment to not only Non-Muslims but even to the people of different sects within Islam and even ethnicity in places like Saudi Arabia. But there are other Muslim Majority Nations which allow freedom of religion adhering to democratic principles.
Indonesia, Bangladesh, Malaysia are allowed to practice their religions, build places of worship and even have missionary schools and organizations. Some Muslim countries nationally observe Hindu, Christian and Buddhist holidays like Durga Puja, Maghi Purnima, Buddha Purnima, Ashari Purnima, Christmas, etc.

In Syria, there are about 2.2 million Christians (10-12% of the population) from about 15 different religious and ethnic sects as well as a few dozen Jews. The freedom of religion is well observed by the state law. Christmas and Easter days are official holidays for both the Catholic or Orthodox calendar

All this is when they don’t call themselves secular or connoisseurs of diverse cultural heritage unlike India. If we started suppressing religious freedom like the Muslim dominated countries you mentioned, then there would be no difference between them and us. That is the answer to the last question: We are not them!

Who is God: Get to know him

The Most Difficult Question

Answering this question is hardly an easy thing to do. After all, the existence of God is a subject that has always attracted a lively debate. Arguments for and against the existence of God have been proposed by philosophers, theologians and scientists for thousands of years. A wide variety of arguments exist on this topic.

The God Debate

To begin with, the great God debate itself is divided into more philosophical schools than an average person knows: Agnosticism, Apatheism, Atheism, Deism, Henotheism, Ignosticism, Monotheism, Panentheism, Pantheism, Polytheism, Theism and Transtheism. God himself is seen as the Father, Great Architect, Mother Supreme, The Holy Trinity, and what not.

Does He Exist or Doesn’t He?

St Anselm, a Christian theologian, formulated the earliest argument in favour of God. Then, french philosopher Rene Descartes said that the existence of a benevolent God was logically necessary for the evidence of the senses to be meaningful. German philosopher Immanuel Kant argued that proof of the existence of “God” could be deduced from the existence of everything “good”.

The Non-Believers

Thinkers, who argued against the existence of God, included David Hume, Kant, Nietzsche and Bertrand Russell. Scientists such as Stephen Hawking, Francis Collins, Richard Dawkins, and John Lennox, and philosophers like Daniel Dennett, Richard Swinburne, William Lane Craig, and Alvin Plantinga also ruled out the existence of God.

Atheists versus Fideists

Atheists say that arguments providing evidence of the existence of God are not sufficient reason to believe. In addition, some have even said that it is possible to disprove the existence of God. Fideists, on the other hand, say that belief in the existence of God is not amenable to demonstration or refutation, but rests on faith and faith alone.

Theists, the Believers

Thiest, the believers

Classical Theism describes God as the ultimate being – the first, timeless, simple, sovereign metaphysical being who, however, could not be defined because mere humans could not define such a colossal personality. Robert Barron, a Catholic priest from Chicago, put it succintly: “It seems impossible for a two-dimensional object to even conceive of a three dimensional being.”

Eastern Religious Thought

In contrast, Eastern religious thought (mainly Pantheism) positions God as a force present in every imaginable phenomenon. Dutch philosopher Baruch Spinoza uses the term God in a philosophical sense to mean the essential substance of Nature.

One God

One God, Allah

Monotheists believe the concept of God relates to a monotheistic, supreme, ultimate and personal being, as found in Christian, Islamic and Hebrew traditions.

Hindu Concept of Ishvara

In Advaita Vedanta school of Hinduism, God is seen as a single, unchanging Brahman, who is both sarvavyapak (omniscient) and antaryami (omnipotent)…he is both nirgun (not having a specific form) as well as sagun (with distinct features) that his followers recognise and love.

View Of The Doubter

The existence of the doubter remains a fact even in the Nastik traditions of the Mayavadi school of thought. Here, it is believed that God, or Isvara, cannot be established by logic alone, and often requires not mere proof, but superior proof.

God As Absolute Truth

In Vaisnavism, or the Hindu sect which believes Vishnu to be the absolute form of God, He is described as Sat Chit Ananda, or Absolute Truth, where ‘sat’ relates to eternal existence, “chit” relates to knowledge and “ananda” relates to bliss.

Karma As Proof Of God

Swami

The school of Vedanta says proof of the existence of God lies in the law of karma. Adi Shankara, a saint who taught the doctrine of Advaita Vedanta, said that the fruits of labour had to be administered through the action of a conscious agent, who would naturally be a supreme being – or Ishvara, who is God.

God As Judge

God as Judge

The Nyaya school of thought seconds this philosophy by giving the example of disparity in existence: why are some people happy while others are unhappy, why some are rich while others are poor. It can only be a result of people having to pay for their deeds.

Greek Atheism

The Greek word “atheoi” means those who are without God. It appears on an early 3rd-century papyrus.

Physics View

Famous physicist Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow, in their new book, “The Grand Design”, say that God did not create the Universe and the “Big Bang” was, in fact, an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics. They quote the law of gravity to say that the Universe can and will create itself from nothing. They say spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the Universe exists, why we exist. Their self-styled ‘M-Theory’ makes a Creator of the Universe – redundant.

Bible’s View

Contrary to popular belief that the resurrection of Jesus is something you accept on faith or don’t, the New Testament explains that the resurrection of Jesus, as proved by his empty tomb, his post-mortem appearance and his disciples’ wait for his resurrection, all point to Jesus being what he said he was: the son of God.

The One Who Created Nature

The Bible (Psalm 19:1-4) further states: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands… and elsewhere: “Looking at the stars, understanding the vastness of the universe, observing the wonders of nature, seeing the beauty of a sunset—all of these things point to a Creator God.”

A Supreme God

The ontological argument uses the concept of God to prove God’s existence. It begins by defining God as “a being than which no greater can be conceived.” It is then argued that to exist is greater than to not exist, and therefore the greatest conceivable being must exist. If God did not exist, then God would not be the greatest conceivable being, and that would contradict the very definition of God.

The Divine Designer

The teleological argument states that since the Universe displays such an amazing design, there must have been a divine Designer. It also says that if the Earth were significantly closer or farther away from the sun, it would not be capable of supporting life the way it does. If our atmosphere were even a few percentage points different, every living thing on earth would die.

Cause And Effect

Then, there’s the cosmological argument. Every effect must have a cause. The universe and everything in it is an effect. There must be something that caused everything to come into existence. Ultimately, there must be something “un-caused” in order to cause everything else to come into existence. That “un-caused” cause is God.

Only The Spirit Can See God

St Gregory of Nyssa of Turkey, an early Christian theologian, was one of the four great fathers of the Eastern Church. His view was that only our soul can see God. “The soul leaves all surface appearances, not only those that can be grasped by the senses but also those which the mind itself seems to see, and it keeps on going deeper until, by the operation of the spirit, it penetrates the invisible and incomprehensible, and it is there that it sees God. The true vision and the true knowledge of what we seek consists precisely in not seeing, in an awareness that our goal transcends all.

In 1945 a scroll was discovered in Nag Hamadi. It was a Coptic translation of a Greek translation of Jesus’ oral Aramaic sayings. Scholars agree that it is the closest record of the historical Jesus. It says: “The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you. Not in a mansion of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and God is there. Lift a stone and you will find God.”

Courtesy: Speaking Tree

The Pain Of Breaking Up With Someone Who Only Ever Existed In Your Head

The Pain Of Breaking Up With Someone Who Only Ever Existed In Your Head

In the past year, I’ve had about four boyfriends. I know that seems like a lot and most of you are wondering how that’s even possible (especially when I write about being single all the time). Well, here’s my secret: None of these boys actually know we’re dating.

As hard as it is to admit to myself, these relationships have largely taken place in my head, grown out of mild flirtations and a few drunk hookups. If we’re getting technical, the actual number of boyfriends I’ve had in the past year would be zero. But what fun is that?

When a friend recently asked me if I’m seeing anyone, I actually had to pause and rethink my answer. Saying that I’m outwardly together with someone in real life would pose as a blatant lie; however, in the realm of my mind, it was a different story.

Inside my head I was very much emotionally involved with a mutual friend named Jake* (*I’ve changed his name because this would be remarkably embarrassing if he found out the kind of storyline I devised for us) who, while I knew was interested in me as well (we had sporadically kissed a few times), hadn’t really progressed to full-on dating territory.

“I was hooking up with Jake for a little bit. But I don’t think it’s going anywhere, he’s super frustrating,” I replied, mentally categorizing this as a three on the lying scale. We had hooked up, we just weren’t that serious.

“How so?” my friend inquired.

“Well, there’s a lot of back and forth that goes on between us. He hasn’t explicitly asked me out, but the attraction is there. He just, like, can’t understand when he’s upsetting me. Oh, also, don’t like, tell him I’m saying this. He kind of doesn’t know.” I took a big sip of the cayenne cocktail and prayed she wouldn’t tell Jake of the head games I had conjured up and proceeded to mentally torture myself over.

My friend wasn’t going to talk to him. She was more puzzled by the whole thing and I couldn’t blame her. I wasn’t in a real-life relationship with Jake; 72 percent of our interactions took place in my head and the other 28 percent was casually flirtatious fodder between us that I then sickly twisted and blew out of proportion because I am that pathetic and want to be alone with my thoughts rather than an actual male human for the rest of my life.

There I said it. It was now time to end this fantasy relationship that clearly wasn’t going to happen in real life. The only problem: How do you get over a boyfriend that largely existed inside your head?

It’s not like you can have this big blowout breakup scene. You don’t actually have any concrete reasons to be mad at him besides, “He didn’t give me enough attention,” which, yeah, makes sense because he doesn’t even know he’s dating you! You can’t say “he cheated on me” or “he doesn’t make time for me.”

There isn’t a talk about how to improve your struggles as a couple. You’re not a couple. You’re not even a “thing.”

You’re make-believe, a dreamt-up part of my imagination that I use to pretend I’m sleeping next to someone at night. And this is why breaking up with someone who only exists in your head is so hard: when you think about a person so much, he seems all-too real to you.

It’s kind of like when you have an intensely vivid dream about someone and the next day you see him in person. You feel like you were with him. You feel like you know him. And yet, that was all made up in your mind.

To the outside world, I was single. Inside my head, I was emotionally closed off, already in too deep with my own thoughts of my fake-boyfriend.

Jake and I had a super-exciting dating life. I was convinced we had a strong attraction one evening when he bought me a drink and none of my other friends, and naturally blew that gesture out of proportion when I smiled about it on my walk home.

He said things like, “I bet your sister is really cool,” which I then heard as, “I can’t wait until you introduce me to your sister.”

We rarely fought (obviously), but yet he always seemed to (naturally) let me down when I caught glimpses of him chatting up other girls at the bar. This is because you two aren’t actually dating, I had to remind myself.

I know this saga might raise a few eyebrows, friends might question my sanity, others will tout about how pathetic I am that I can’t hold down a real relationship or at least make the move and tell this guy that we’ve been seeing each other for three months and it’s finally time we see each other some place other than my brain.

But if we were to get together in real life, what would happen then? Would it live up to this hyped-up fantasy I’ve been building up inside me? Would he be the kind of boyfriend I already scripted him to be?

Perhaps, when you already have the mental drama to fulfill, you eventually become numb to the real thing.

So how was I to break up with Jake? Clearly it wasn’t going to work between us. I decided to stop seeing him both in person and in my head.

His presence as a constant visual reminder wasn’t helping to erase him from my mind. And no good could come out of me wanting someone that badly who didn’t want me back.

What was the appropriate response, though, to such a tragic ending? I couldn’t help but feel a little empty and down. There wasn’t anyone special to preoccupy my thoughts anymore. There wasn’t someone who I was dressing up for in hope I’d see him out that night.

I didn’t have that internal farce to fill me up or complain about when my girlfriends and I discussed our love lives. Even though we technically had never been boyfriend and girlfriend, a piece of me still felt like we had.

Aside from facing the cold, hard truth, the best solution to ending things with your mental fantasy, I believe, is to find someone who wants to be your reality.

Someone who you don’t need to obsess over in your head because he is right there in front of you, wanting you back. Let go of the people who won’t turn into anything more than a delusion — they might give you some artificial comfort, but they’re also holding you back from experiencing the true thing.

Eventually, I got over Jake, just like I had gotten over those other three “boyfriends.” I laughed at how ridiculous these fake relationships were and the stupid anguish they caused me when they didn’t really need to.

My friends didn’t stop making fun of me, though. Which I guess is a good thing because we all need a dose of reality now and then.

And I’ve learned a valuable lesson: Don’t dream about what other people can do for you, instead make it happen for yourself.

Does God Exist?

Whether God Exists Or Not?Richard Dawkins is challenging the idea that a Deistic God created the universe and set it in motion and then keeps aloof. In other words, according to him we believe in an absentee God who seems to be indifferent to what is happening in the world. But if He in fact does create individual souls ‘off and on’, then he should face the problem of evil that exists in the created universe in the form of sorrows and sufferings, injustice, exploitation, birth-based deformities. Why should there be any birth-based differences that make some more privileged than others?

Besides, aggressive atheists who deny the existence of God do so because believers have been committing horrible acts of commission and omission in the name of religious creeds and God. Despite this, it is said that the so-called all-powerful, all-good, and all knowing God remains silent. Therefore, God’s silence is equated with God’s non-existence by materialists and atheists.

Howeveer, the wonderful structure of the universe and of the things and beings in the universe does seem to suggest the existence of a Grand Design, which needs explanation. Can it be due to matter and motion? Though human reason is capable of understanding a lot, it points to the existence of Universal Consciousness or Cosmic Intelligence, and this, say nay-sayers, is more faith than fact.

The theistic world view gives cosmic support to the believers. After all, the question of all questions is whether the universe is friendly or inimical to life in general and human life in particular. Long before the ‘Sun’ in the solar system was seen as the friend of humans. So the believer bowed before the Sun and said, “Aum Mitrya Namah” – O Lord, I bow to you, our friend. Darwin’s theory of biological evolution is a grand hypothesis to explain the origin of species on this planet. He never claimed that he could explain the ‘arrival of life to evolve in favour of the fittest’ in the world. How did the rudimentary amoebas evolve; out of nothing? Biologists aver the principle ‘life begets life’. Can they reduce biology to physics? Can they accept biology as a branch of physics? The usual and answer to this is ‘no’. Moreover, physics itself is becoming a science of the minute following the discovery that atoms can be split! The concept of God is not a stupid idea. It cannot be done away with so cursorily. It was the agnostic H Spencer who applied the concept of evolution to the evolution of the cosmos. Later philosophers formulated different ideas of evolution, as did S Alexander in the idea of Emergent Evolution, H Bergson in the concept of Creative Evolution.

The tiny logic and intellect of man should not be elevated to the status of God or the Cosmic Intelligence; perhaps its role in human affairs ought not to be dismissed or underestimated. Such a stand has its own limitations.   German philosopher Kant refuted the traditional rational argument addressed in support of belief in God. Yet he formulated the Moral Argument. For belief in the existence of God – and morality are special to human beings. Unless we accept the moral in the universe it is very difficult to make the universe morally intelligible. The discussion cannot be left in the hands of priests and pundits. Education in humanities will help believers liberate religion from the clutches of the priestly class. For aren’t modern liberation theologians willing to learn from Karl Marx to solve the issue of hunger and injustice?

Courtesy: Speaking Tree

9 Subtle Lies We All Tell Ourselves

Hi All,

I found a beautiful article on Mark Manson which I felt like sharing  in my Blog as Well. Below is the article. He really explains life in a very comprehensive way.

When I was at university, I was convinced that I wanted to be an investment banker and work on Wall Street. A year later, it took all of about three hours in the cubicle miasma known as State Street for that dream to evaporate. In hindsight, I didn’t want to be a banker as much as I wanted to feel powerful and important. Fortunately, I found other ways to meet those needs.

There was also a period of time when I was convinced that my ex-girlfriend left me because I wasn’t good enough for her and so I had to prove myself to every woman I ever met. But after a lot of over-compensation around other women, I eventually realized that I was fine and much better off without her.

Then there was the idea that every bad emotion I ever experienced was a result of some underlying trauma and that by “working through it,” I was precipitating some sort of transformation in myself. Boy, was that one delusional (Spoiler alert: Sometimes you feel bad just because you feel bad.)

What I’m getting at is that we’re often poor arbiters of our own emotions and desires. We lie to ourselves. And we do it for one obvious reason: to feel better.

We may not know exactly what we’re lying to ourselves about, but it’s safe to assume that some chunk of what we consider “truth” today, is likely nothing more than a defense against some deeper meaning which is painful to accept.

By lying to ourselves we mortgage our long-term needs in order to fulfill our short-term desires. Therefore, one could say personal growth is merely the process of learning to lie to oneself less.

man with crossed fingers

When it comes to uncovering our own BS, many of us rely on similar patterns to protect ourselves. Here are some common patterns I’ve come across in myself and people I’ve worked with:

1. “If I could just X, then my life would be amazing.”

Take your pick of what X is: get married, get laid, get a raise, buy a new car, a new house, a new pet rabbit, floss every Sunday, whatever. Obviously, you’re smart enough that I don’t have to tell you that no one single goal will ever solve your happiness problems permanently. After all, that’s the tricky part about the brain: the “If only I had X, then…” mechanism never goes away.

We’re evolutionarily wired to exist in a state of mild dissatisfaction. It makes biological sense. Primates who are never quite satisfied with what they already have and want a little bit more were the ones who survived and pro-created more often.

It’s an excellent evolutionary strategy, but a poor happiness strategy. If we’re always looking for what’s next it becomes quite difficult to appreciate what is now. Sure, we can alter this wiring a bit through conditioning, learned behaviors and changed mindsets, but it’s an immovable piece of the human condition, something we must always lean against.

So what does that mean? Learn to enjoy it. Learn to enjoy the challenge. Learn to enjoy change and pursuit of one’s higher goals. Relish the chase, so to speak. A big misconception in the self help world is that being satisfied with the present moment and working towards one’s future are somehow contradictory. They’re not. If life is a hamster wheel, then the goal isn’t to actually get anywhere, it’s to find a way to enjoy running.

2. “If I had more time, I would do X.”

Man relaxing on sofa holding remote controls-189729Bullshit. You either want to do something or you don’t. We often like the idea of doing something, but when it comes down to it, we don’t actually want to do it.

I like the idea of being a surfer and surfing in all of the cool places I visit each year. But every time I rent a surfboard, I get frustrated and lose interest after a few hours. I like the idea of being really good at chess, but I don’t really put much time into it. On the other hand, I really do want to learn more languages, so I do take time out of my day to continue studying.

People say they want to start a business, they want six-pack abs, they want to become an expert musician. But they don’t want it. If they did, they would make time and commit themselves. Rather, people are enamored with the idea of their goals rather than the painful living that comes with living one’s goals.

Now, you may say, “Oh Mark, you don’t understand, I’m so busy.”

But choosing to be busy is a choice of investment of time. And you invest your time in things that matter to you. If you are working 80 hours per week, that was something you wanted more than all of the other things you say you want to do. And if that’s true, then you can always choose to stop working so much. You can choose not to work at all. You can choose to value your dream more than money or sleep or eating at your favorite restaurant every week. But you don’t…

3. “If I say or do X, people will think I’m stupid.”

The truth is most people don’t care if you do X or not, and even if they do, they’re going to be far more concerned about what you think of them. The truth is that you’re not afraid because other people will think you’re stupid or lame or obnoxious. The truth is you’re afraid because you will think you are stupid or lame or obnoxious.

This is a worthiness issue. It’s a lie that is borne from an insecurity of not being good enough. It has nothing to do with how mean/nice people around you are. The people around you are too busy worrying about what you think of them to care.

4. “If I just say or do X, then that person will finally change.”

You can’t change people. You can only help them to change themselves. The rationalization that if you could only do that one more thing to get someone to see your way, to see the enlightened path, to see how to stop being such a raging asshole, is usually a product of an unhealthy attachment to someone and/or a boundary issue.

All advice and support must be offered up unconditionally, without expectation of any miraculous turnarounds. Love people for the messed up ways that they already are, not how you’d wish them to be.

5. “Everything is great/Everything sucks.”

Everything is how you choose to see it. Choose wisely.

magic glass

6. “There’s something inherently wrong or different about me.”

This lie is the cornerstone of personal shame, the belief that something about us is inherently wrong or insufficient. An unfortunate side effect of having robust societies with hundreds of millions of people is that we are inevitably encouraged to compare ourselves with arbitrary social standards. As we grow up, we notice (and are reminded by others) whether we’re taller/shorter, prettier/uglier, smarter/stupider, stronger/weaker, cooler/lamer than the average bear.

This is called “socialization” and it actually serves a useful purpose. The idea is to get people in line with culturally-defined ideals so that we can all coexist with one another without everyone stabbing each other in the throats and eating dead babies for breakfast. It worked (mostly).

But the price of that social stability and cohesion is the internalization of beliefs that we aren’t good enough as we are, that we’re fundamentally flawed and unlovable. Some of us internalize greater amounts of these beliefs than others, especially if we were abused or traumatized at some point in our past.

And this clinging belief that we’re somehow deficient undermines everything we think and do and generates misery in throughout our lives.

But here’s the truly messed up part: We’re afraid to let go of the beliefs that we’re inherently deficient.

Why? Why would we hold onto beliefs that we’re somehow sub-human, not worthy of the same love and success as those all around us, and not give them up in the face of evidence to the contrary?

The answer is the same reason we hold on to any belief: it makes us feel special. If we’re inherently inferior in some way, then we get to permanently play victim, to play martyr, and it imbues our life with a sick noble purpose. If we were to let go of that and accept that we are inherently worthy of life, worthy of all others, then we would lose our right to victimhood, our right to being special, and instead turn into an anonymous nobody, just another face in the crowd.

And so we hold on to our misery and wear it like a badge of honor. Because it’s the only identity we know…

7. “I would change, but I can’t because of X.”

Unless X is “I don’t really want to,” then this statement is bullshit. You’re making excuses. And it’s OK, we all do, but you might as well own up to it. You don’t want to change, because if you truly wanted it, you would do it. And if you don’t do it, then that means that what’s causing you misery is also benefiting you in some unconscious way.

I talked to a client recently who is ambitious but has been blaming the injustice of the present economy and social system for his inability to work on his business idea. Throughout the conversations, he began to look at some of his beliefs and see that many of them were merely excuses to justify his already being unhappy.

But still, his inability to act persisted. That’s because the root of the issue was deeper. His anger at the injustice of the current system doesn’t just justify his inability to act, but it also feeds his sense of self-importance, his belief that if he were allowed to try, he’d be amazing but because he’s not allowed, he’ll forever be angry and miserable instead.

The need for importance is one of the most fundamental psychology needs. And in this case, a bright young man would rather hold onto his misery than risk anonymity and failure.

8. “I can’t live without X.”

In most cases, you can. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from traveling the world and staying in some particularly unsavory places for a period of time, it’s that humans adapt incredibly quickly. I (and many others) have documented the arduous process of selling and giving away most of our possessions and the spectacular realization that after a brief period of nostalgia, we don’t miss any of them at all.

So caught up in modern society’s cycle of consumerism, many of us have forgotten that, psychologically speaking, we already have everything we need. Our psyches possess an incredible ability to adapt to what’s available in our environments to get all of our needs met and keep ourselves happy. And beyond a certain level of comfort and subsistence, what matters is not so much what we do or what we own, but rather how much meaning each activity or relationship gives us.

Optimize your life to enhance meaning. That’s the metric of success.

9. “I know what I’m doing.”

Sure you do, buddy. Sure you do.

Our lives are defined by nothing but glorified best guesses, a constant process of trial-and-error. And right now, my best guess is that this article is over.

9 Signs You Know You Can Trust Someone With Your Heart

9 Signs You Know You Can Trust Someone With Your Heart
It really amazes me what falling in love can do. It turns closed up, self-centered, arrogant, private individuals into people willing to open themselves up, expose themselves and voluntarily make themselves vulnerable. Love really does seem like a mental disorder. Love makes us want to give ourselves over to another.

We let down our guards and allow those we love to see the real us – naked and vulnerable. This is where the fun part comes: giving yourself up too soon will likely ruin what you have. The very same can be said for giving into love too late.

There’s a narrow window of time that relies heavily on those involved. Sometimes things align just right and they work out wonderfully. The real task is knowing that window when you see it.

1. You’ve known this person for at least a year (two if you want be safe).

You may not be able to help falling for someone, but you can help letting him or her know too early. Once you say those three words, your relationship goes to the next level; it will never be able to level back down again. Once you love someone, you’re supposed to love that person forever (or so we’re led to believe).

Before giving someone your heart and taking the relationship to the next level, make sure that you know who you’re getting into bed with. No pun intended.


2. As far as you know, this person has never lied to you.

And if he or she has, you at least never found out. I understand that most people are entirely against lying, but the truth is that no one wants to be told the truth all the time. Reality is harsh and having it softened by those who love us can be a wonderful thing. There are some lies, however, that shouldn’t be told.

Certain types of lies are formed out of malice and deception. If you know you’ve been lied to before and were hurt by the knowledge itself then you may want to review moving forward. It’s not the lie that hurts, but the truth that it’s covering. You don’t want to be with someone who hurt you in the past while lying to you about it.


3. This person doesn’t need to be chased after – you simply manage to find each other.

Before you hand your heart over, be sure that the person you’re handing it over to actually cares about you. It’s not difficult to tell. If he or she is there when you need and isn’t always the one who is in need, then it’s a good bet that this person really enjoys spending time with you. If he or she enjoys your company that much then he or she most definitely cares about you. Beware those who seem to be regularly unavailable.


4. This person told you that he or she isn’t “going anywhere” and you believe it.

Before people say “I love you” they tend to ease in with an “I’m not going anywhere” remark, or its equivalent, strategically fitted as a witty and romantic response. If this person doesn’t plan on running off and is falling for you, he or she is likely to start by making you feel safe.

This person wants you to trust in him or her because this person wants to be able to one day, in the near future, exchange those words. If this person has already told you that he or she loves you, hearing “I’m not going anywhere” from time to time is still a nice reminder that you made the right decision.


5. This person has always treated you well and has respected you.

If he or she has treated you poorly then don’t expect that to ever change. If this person doesn’t respect you then he or she isn’t the type of person you should be with and definitely isn’t the one you should be giving you heart to. Your partner should be your partner, not your owner.


6. This person is always there for you when you need him or her.

This one is a big one. A lot of people are quick to talk big, but are nowhere to be found when it comes time to actually follow through. The person you should love is the person who will never abandon you, never leave you alone and stranded, never give up on you or let you go. If he or she isn’t that person then forget about him or her and keep searching.


7. This person is willing to inconvenience him or herself to make you happy.

Being inconvenienced is nothing more than being uncomfortable. If this person isn’t willing to be uncomfortable for you then he or she won’t be willing to do a lot for you throughout your relationship. People have very neat comfort zones – leaving them is often pretty easy, but uncomfortable. This person should be willing to sacrifice his or her comfort for yours.


8. This person is trustworthy.

If you can’t trust him or her with your secrets then he or she isn’t a very good partner. You need to trust the person you have feelings for before you allow yourself to accept that you love him or her. You have to be able to trust this person – trust him or her as a friend, lover and as a partner. If you can rely on and count on him or her to catch you when you fall, then and only then, should you be willing to make yourself that vulnerable.


9. You’re ready for this.

This is one that is most often overlooked. It’s not enough that your partner is right and ready to take the relationship to the next level. We ourselves have to be ready for it.

We often are too busy thinking and worrying about those we are falling for to consider if we are prepared to play the part ourselves. Are you ready to follow through on points one through eight? If you’re not then it doesn’t matter if your partner is, does it?

Courtesy: Elite-Daily

The Truth Behind Cheating

The Truth Behind Cheating

We’ve all been cheated on, and we all know someone being cheated on right now. But we don’t say anything about it. We choose not to tell them. Why? Is it because we fear of getting in the middle? Or is it because we fear that if we tell that person, they won’t believe it anyway, leaving us looking like a jealous a-hole?

Cheating is different for men than it is for women. Women cheat because they are lacking something in their relationship, they don’t feel loved or appreciated so they seek that from another man. It’s all based on emotion and a happy girl will hardly ever stray. But this is not the case with men, happy men stray all the time.

Men cheat because they can. They know that we won’t do anything about it. They aren’t missing anything in their relationship, in fact most of the time they really do love their girlfriends. But it’s just about sex. They don’t care about the girls they have relations with, they just cheat because they can.

Their world doesn’t stop, they don’t feel bad about it, and they certainly don’t feel any differently about you. Their life just goes on as if it never happened. They have some sort of on/off cheating switch when it comes to this. They are able to be so deceptive yet they can go back to being that loving boyfriend after the dirty deed has been done.

But please, don’t get it twisted. Women are not so innocent in this either. It takes two to tango hunny! If these “side chicks” had more respect for themselves, men wouldn’t be able to cheat, it wouldn’t even be a possibility for them. But there’s always going to be those women out there that are willing to be the side-screw and have no hard feelings about it.

The Successful Cheater: You might be in a “happy” relationship right now, meanwhile your partner has OTHER partners. Well congrats, you’re being successfully cheated on. But what are some of the signs?

texting

Hidden Facebook Relationship Status.

Yes you’re probably in most of their photos so you think this is okay, but it is easy to tell someone, “Oh that’s just my ex, I haven’t gotten to delete those old photos yet.”

A whole laundry list of sexual encounters prior to you.

Please don’t try to tell me that your once overly-promiscuous partner has turned over a new leaf and stays faithful to only you. A person that will sleep with practically anything with a pulse doesn’t tend to have many morals. So don’t think that for one millisecond that they can change. Because chances are, they can’t. And they will continue to do so behind your back.

Random names of the same sex in their contacts.

For instance, your cheating boyfriend isn’t going to put his new fling “Rachel” in his contacts. He’s going to put her under the name “Bob from work” and call it a day. Meanwhile he doesn’t even know a Bob and he doesn’t even have a job. I mean come on.

Wherever they go, their phone goes with them.

If they are seeing someone behind your back, they are not going to leave their phone alone with you. So if the next time your girlfriends phone rings and she busts through the plate glass in the shower to get to it before you do, there you go.

If your partner spends way more time with their friends than they do with you, chances are they are probably up to no good.

If they love you and are faithful to you, then they want to be with you as much as possible, period.

Everyone you know always has something negative to say about them.

Chances are, they know something that you don’t. And instead of telling you the truth, they beat around the bush with it because they know you wouldn’t believe it if it came down to it.

The root of the issue at hand is respect. A person that cheats doesn’t respect their partner, that’s the bottom line. And the women and men willing to be the “side piece” have no self-respect. Instead of demanding to be the ONLY one, they settle with being the OTHER one.

Then we have the people who literally do not have the slightest clue what is going on behind their back because they choose to ignore the signs and live by the phrase, “Ignorance is Bliss.” But is ignorance bliss?? Maybe if we all just had some old fashioned respect for ourselves and each other, this wouldn’t be such a prominent issue.

Courtesy: Elite Daily

The Root Problem of all the Problems

The root problem of all problems is mind itself. The first thing to be understood is what this mind is, of what stuff it is made; whether it is an entity or just a process; whether it is substantial, or just dreamlike. And unless you know the nature of the mind, you will not be able to solve any problems of your life.

The root problem of all problems is mind itself. The first thing to be understood is what this mind is, of what stuff it is made; whether it is an entity or just a process; whether it is substantial, or just dreamlike. And unless you know the nature of the mind, you will not be able to solve any problems of your life.

You may try hard, but if you try to solve single, individual problems, you are bound to be a failure — that is absolutely certain — because in fact no individual problem exists: mind is the problem. If you solve this problem or that, it won’t help because the root remains untouched.

It is just like cutting branches of a tree, pruning the leaves, and not uprooting it. New leaves will come, new branches will sprout — even more than before; pruning helps a tree to become thicker. Unless you know how to uproot it, your fight is baseless, it is foolish. You will destroy yourself, not the tree.

In fighting you will waste your energy, time, life, and the tree will go on becoming more and more strong, far thicker and dense. And you will be surprised what is happening: you are doing so much hard work, trying to solve this problem and that, and they go on growing, increasing. Even if one problem is solved, suddenly ten problems take its place.

Don’t try to solve individual, single problems — there are none: mind itself is the problem. But mind is hidden underground; that’s why I call it the root, it is not apparent. Whenever you come across a problem the problem is above ground, you can see it — that’s why you are deceived by it.

Always remember, the visible is never the root; the root always remains invisible, the root is always hidden. Never fight with the visible; otherwise you will fight with shadows. You may waste yourself, but there cannot be any transformation in your life, the same problems will crop up again and again and again. You can observe your own life and you will see what I mean. I am not talking about any theory about the mind, just the “facticity” of it. This is the fact: mind has to be solved.

People come to me and they ask: “How to attain a peaceful mind?” I say to them: “There exists nothing like that: a peaceful mind. Never heard of it.”

Mind is never peaceful — no-mind is peace. Mind itself can never be peaceful, silent. The very nature of the mind is to be tense, to be in confusion. Mind can never be clear; it cannot have clarity, because mind is by nature confusion, cloudiness. Clarity is possible without mind, peace is possible without mind, silence is possible without mind — so never try to attain a silent mind. If you do, from the very beginning you are moving in an impossible dimension.

Courtesy: Oshoworld